Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence: 10 Everyday Clues and How to Improve

Most people who look up the signs of low emotional intelligence have someone in mind. It might be a boss who misses every hint, a partner who goes quiet, or themselves. Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to reason about emotions and use that information to guide thinking and behaviour¹. The hopeful part is recent: a 2026 review of 32 studies found that adult programs built on EI skills improved mental health in controlled studies¹². Here is what low and high EI look like, and what actually helps.

• 4skills make up emotional intelligence in the ability model: perceiving, connecting, understanding and managing emotions.
• 24studies of healthy adults show EI training works, with a moderate gain that holds at follow-up.
• .17is the link between reading a partner's negative feelings and relationship satisfaction, across 21 studies.
• 1 in 2autistic people met the cut-off for alexithymia in one review. Low EI and autism are not the same thing.

The basicsWhat Is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is how well you reason about emotions and emotional information, in yourself and in other people². Psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer first described it in 1990.

Their four-part model splits EI into four abilities²:

• Perceiving emotions: reading feelings accurately in faces, posture and other cues.
• Connecting emotions: linking feelings to thinking, for example knowing which task suits your mood. It used to be called "facilitating thought".
• Understanding emotions: knowing what feelings mean, how they mix and how they change.
• Managing emotions: guiding feelings in yourself and others towards a goal.

Some researchers use "emotional intelligence" for a broader mix of positive traits such as happiness, self-esteem and optimism. Mayer and colleagues argue that EI is best kept as a set of abilities¹. Everyone has some of each one, and each can be stronger or weaker.

The signsWhat Are the Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence?

The clearest signs of low emotional intelligence are everyday misses: not noticing feelings, not naming them, not predicting where they lead, and not steering them. Here are 10, sorted by the four skills.

Perceiving signs

• You're often surprised to learn that someone was hurt, annoyed or upset.
• You take "I'm fine" at face value, even when the tone says otherwise.

Connecting signs

• You start hard conversations or big decisions in the wrong mood, then regret them.

Understanding signs

• Your feelings mostly come in three sizes: fine, bad or stressed.
• Mixed feelings confuse you, such as relief and sadness at the same time.
• You don't see how a small irritation can grow into anger, in you or in others.

Managing signs

• Your reaction arrives before your thinking: you snap, shut down or send the message you regret.
• Feedback feels like an attack, so you defend yourself or blame someone else.
• You answer someone's feelings with fixes or logic when they wanted to be heard.
• Your stress spills onto the people around you.

None of these makes someone a bad person. Everyone does most of them on a tired day. A sign matters when it's a pattern that keeps costing you friendships, sleep or chances at work.

The other endWhat Are the Signs of High Emotional Intelligence?

The signs of high emotional intelligence are the same four skills done well: reading and naming feelings accurately, predicting how they shift, and choosing a response.

The differences show up with other people. In a series of seven studies, people with higher EI scores showed more empathic perspective-taking, better social skills and more cooperative responses towards partners⁶. Want to see where you stand? Our emotional intelligence test gives you a score you can compare with the signs above.

At workWhat Are the Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence at Work?

At work, the signs of low emotional intelligence usually show up as friction: missed signals in meetings, defensive answers to feedback, and stress passed down to the team.

The research backs this up. A 2022 meta-analysis found that higher EI went with stronger commitment, more helpful behaviour beyond the job description, higher job satisfaction and better job performance, and with lower job stress⁵. The link with performance depends on the job, though. In a 2010 meta-analysis, ability EI predicted better performance in jobs with high emotional labour, where handling feelings is part of the work. In jobs with low emotional labour, the link ran the other way⁴.

Signs of low EI at work include:

• Interrupting or talking past quieter colleagues.
• Treating every piece of feedback as a personal criticism.
• Sending sharp emails when stressed.
• Missing that a teammate is overloaded until they quit.

Our DISC test shows how you tend to work with other people. If constant contact drains you, our ranking of careers for introverts scores 16 jobs by how much people-time they take.

In relationshipsWhat Is Emotional Intelligence in a Relationship?

Emotional intelligence in a relationship is the skill of noticing, understanding and responding to your partner's feelings, and your own, especially during conflict.

In one of those seven studies, people were more satisfied with their marriage when they rated their partner higher in emotional intelligence⁶. Signs of low emotional intelligence in a relationship often look like this:

• The same argument comes back again and again.
• "You never listen" comes up often.
• Silence takes the place of saying what's wrong.
• Apologies explain instead of repair.

Feelings in love are also shaped by how you bond. Our attachment style quiz and love styles test cover that side.

CarefulIs Low Emotional Intelligence the Same as Being Rude, Autistic or Having a Disorder?

No. Low emotional intelligence describes a level of skill, not a diagnosis or a character flaw, and it is not the same as autism.

Some people find it hard to recognise and describe their own feelings. Researchers call this alexithymia. In a review of 15 studies, 49.93% of autistic people met the cut-off for alexithymia, against 4.89% of non-autistic people⁸. So it is common in autism, but not universal. The review also notes studies in which alexithymia, rather than autism itself, predicted trouble recognising emotions in faces and voices⁸.

If low mood, anxiety or relationship problems get in the way of your daily life, talk to a doctor or mental health professional.

Can it change?Can You Improve Emotional Intelligence?

Yes. Meta-analyses of training studies find that emotional intelligence rises after training, and the gains tend to hold at follow-up.

Other reviews point the same way. In 16 trials with 1,155 nurses and nursing students, EI training raised EI compared with control groups. It also lowered stress and improved communication skills in smaller sets of trials¹⁰. A 2024 review of 17 healthcare studies found EI rose in every one, but warned that weak study designs may overstate the gains¹¹.

How toHow to Improve Emotional Intelligence: 6 Practical Steps

To improve emotional intelligence, practise the four skills one at a time: notice feelings, name them precisely, predict where they lead, and pause before you respond.

• Put feelings into words. In a brain-imaging study, labelling an emotion reduced the response of the amygdala and other limbic regions to upsetting images¹³.
• Grow your feelings vocabulary. Across 17 studies, people who told their negative emotions apart more finely were less likely to fall back on harmful habits, such as binge drinking¹⁴.
• Check your read. Ask "You seem quiet, is something up?" instead of guessing.
• Pause before you reply. Wait a breath, or write the message now and send it later.
• Ask for honest feedback. Pick one trusted person and ask what you tend to miss.
• Practise on stories. Pause a film and guess what each character feels, and why.

Keep it small and steady. One skill a week is plenty. If you track progress, look for changes other people notice too, not only how you rate yourself.

Measuring EIHow Is Emotional Intelligence Measured?

Emotional intelligence is measured in two main ways: ability tests that score your answers to emotion problems, and questionnaires that ask how you see your own skills.

The best-known ability test is the Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT). The original had 141 items. The MSCEIT 2, described in 2025, is about a third shorter, and its norms come from 3,000 people². Questionnaires are usually shorter. The student study in our emotional intelligence and life satisfaction story used the 24-item Trait Meta-Mood Scale, and found a correlation of 0.38 with life satisfaction in 334 students¹⁵.

The two methods don't always agree. In one study, people's self-ratings and their MSCEIT scores were not strongly correlated³. EI also overlaps with personality. A 2010 meta-analysis linked the managing-emotions skill to neuroticism, the Big Five trait tied to worry⁴. Our Big Five test measures it, and our story on neuroticism and anxiety explains why it matters. Our personality test and the 16 personality type guides show how each type tends to handle feelings.

QuestionsSigns of Low Emotional Intelligence: FAQ

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Written byAlden CrossResearch WriterReviewed byAarav VardhanEditor-in-Chief